Fra Panella Coaching

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  • Home
  • Fra
    • My Vision
    • My Approach
    • My Ethos
  • Coaching
    • Belonging Coaching
    • Talks
    • Power Types Debrief
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • FREE RESOURCES
    • HOW TO FEEL AT HOME ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD
    • Belonging Cafe'
    • Women beyond borders cafe'

Finding our Feet & Feeling our  Boundaries

10/6/2022

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What if we all had a clear felt sense of our physical presence, where our bodies end and start and how far they expand around us.

What would such awareness and consciousness unlock for us?

I'm thrilled to be welcoming the founder of "Joy in Movement'" Vivian Winterhof into our international community and introducing you to her soft, calm and joyful magic.

Vivian's purpose is to support soul-led solopreneurs to take better care of themselves by sharing restful and refreshing practices, including "Sensory Movement Meditations" so that they can deepen their relationship with their own body/ mind and not succumb to the pressures of our current economy.

Watch this interview to: 

  • Explore the importance of slowing down and connecting to our own bodies so that we can be more present and joyful in our lives.
  • Discover the hidden gifts in developing awareness and conscious movement. Vivian's gentle invitation creates spaces for humans to step out of constant doing in order to just be - in the moment and in the body.
  • Feel into how developing a felt experience of your body's boundaries can enable us to hold ourselves, connect with others and find our feet in the world.
Find out more about Vivian here 

Boundaries - ​by Mary Oliver

There is a place where the town ends
and the fields begin.

It’s not marked but the feet know it,
also the heart, that is longing for refreshment
and, equally, for repose.

Someday we’ll live in the sky.

Meanwhile, the house of our lives is the world.

The fields, the ponds, the birds.

The thick black oaks—surely they are the
children of God.

The feistiness among the tiger lilies,
the hedges of runaway honeysuckle, that no one owns.
Where is it? I ask, and then
my feet know it.

One jump, and I’m home.

by Mary Oliver
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How Our Emotional Reservoir Supports Our Resilience

31/5/2022

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How much have we heard the word 'resilience' since the pandemic hit us?

Possibly because it's 'the salt of life', we would say in my mother tongue, and it's what supports our sense of belonging to something bigger than ourselves and our ability of being connected to ourselves and our community.

​I disagree with one of most of the common metaphors associated with 'resilience'. 

I distance myself from this idea that we as human beings can ‘bounce-back’ from adversities.

it implies that we are like rubber balls who get pushed to the ground and spring back up. As if when faced with a challenge, after crashing on the ground, we can come back to the same place we were, ‘pick ourselves up' and carry on as if nothing had changed.

But a lot has changed. Sometimes for the worst, sometimes for the best.

Either way, change needs acknowledging: there is so much learning, growth, expansion and love that happens in the thick of a crisis.

So, I went back to my school days and looked at the etymology of the word Resilience - I love going to the roots of meaning making, don't you?
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The word 'resilience' comes from the Latin root RESILI, meaning the ability to spring back in relation to the capacity of plants to adapt themselves to different conditions – think of a flower growing through concrete.

In physical science, it is seen as the ability of a material to return to its original state after it has been bent or stretched. It is like an elastic band that can stretch to accommodate objects of different shapes and sizes, and then return to its original form when released.

In relation to human behaviour, resilience is the capacity to remain flexible in our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours when faced with life disruption, or extended periods of pressure so that we emerge from difficulty stronger, wiser and more able.

'Like a plant, we emerge from difficulty and emerge stronger, wiser and more able'.  Carole Pemberton 

I believe that resilience is about being open to moving through difficulties, challenges and opportunities and learning and growing from the consequences of that risk that you choose to take/ or were forced to live through.

Join me for this Facebook live to hear about my favourite image to support our resilience i.e. the Emotional Reservoir.

YOu are welcome to join Feel At Home Anywhere in the World
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Belonging To Ourselves

27/5/2022

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In our society, there is strong pressure to conform and this somehow makes us confuse 'fitting in' for 'belonging'.

In order to be accepted and included you apply yourself to learn what's expected of you, and somehow mould your beliefs and behaviours to fit into a particular scenario or relationship, for instance.

​Have you tried to belong to a new group of people or a partner and then decided to step back from them because you felt you couldn't recognise yourself any longer? The same can happen when you long to belong to a new country. You can lose your true self.

What if belonging wasn't a feeling for someone, somewhere or even something, but was a skill?

A skill we can all learn.

Even if it is not taught at school.

True belonging might be a forgotten art but all it’s needed to get you started you already have: YOU!

Belonging to ourselves start with connecting inwards.

Once you’ve developed a relationship with yourself that is so loving, intimate and committed belonging to yourselves will become what will support you, shore you and back you up no matter what challenges life throws at you

Yet it is not something I can put into a 5 step process for you. Instead, I’ll whisper to you a childhood story.

The story of when I married myself… You will not need to bring tissues, just an open heart ready to receive my story and a gorgeous poem!

This is a Facebook LIVE video. If you would like to join our multi-cultural, multi-talented,  multi-faceted group click the button below


Yes I'd like to join Feel At Home Anywhere In The World
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My Body, My Home

22/5/2022

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Our body is the first gate of belonging, it’s the home we never leave and yet is the one home we struggle the most to fully recognise, appreciate and tend to.

Often our embodied presence can feel judged and made feel unwelcome.
​
Our culture seems to have so much to say about the colour of our skin, the shape or size of our limbs, and the fitness levels or the health of our ensemble that we feel our body is judged, excluded and not welcome

When this happens, there is no surprise that we struggle to appreciate the squishy living creatures we are, is there?

This leads us to ignore the key messages that the body sends us about its needs for rest, sleep, food, water and more… and we seem to grow apart from our body.

Such dissociation of body and mind is also supported by a culture that celebrates being active and productive to the extent of treating our bodies as if they were machines, exhausting them and then replacing their parts as if they were robots.

​Many layers of conditioning need peeling on the journey to Feel At Home in our bodies. Yet it's worth doing

​Holding ourselves lovingly and tenderly, indulging in our feelings and pre-empting its needs can really support us to feel safe in our bodies, accept multiple states and ways of being, heal traumas and ultimately bring us back home to our bodies.

Watch this training to 

  •  Understand what being connected to your body looks like, sounds likes tastes like and feels like.
  •  Explore how you can foster an intimate and loving relationship with your body – WITHOUT – having to create rigid routines or burdensome practices.
  •  Activate your sense of homecoming to your body and feel all your limbs tingle so that you step forward in your sense of feeling at ease within. 

This is a Facebook LIVE, if you wanted to join our group you'd be welcome - just click on the button below. Otherwise, be reassured that I'd be keep sharing the video on my blog so noot to exclude anyone!  
Come home to our Facebook group: feel at Home anywhere in the world
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Getting to know the land you live on

6/5/2022

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I strongly believe that when relocating to a new country, a new climate, a new landscape we don’t give enough attention to our relationship with the new natural elements.

We are so involved in learning the language, understanding the unwritten rules and finding our people that we neglect nurturing the relationship with the landscape of the new place – this might be a new city or country.

Yet the changes are obvious before our eyes. The soil often has different forms and shapes, the air smells differently, the light has a different quality etc.

We might feel intimidated by unfamiliar natural environments, more than by unfamiliar cities. We might feel so bored by the persistent rain/consistently blue sky to become depressed.

Watch this short training 


During this short training you’ll receive practical tips on:
  • How to deal with the longing for the skies and the land ‘back home’.
  • Why entering in a reciprocal relationship with your chosen land is key to your sense of belonging
  • Where to access the local knowledge of the plants and animals
  • Who to turn to to see the beauty in the unfamiliar
  • What to memorise on your bones...  

Would you like to receive tons of free support and teaching?
Come home and Join my group:  

JOIN FEEL AT HOME ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD
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What does it mean to belong to a community?

28/4/2022

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Belonging to a community is one of the most investigated and discussed kinds of belonging – yet the word Community has many meanings
The desire to belong to a community fascinates me.
What aspects we value in a community intrigues me
Defining what Belonging To A Community Means, less so.

Why? Because such definitions belong to dictionaries.

While communities belong to living, evolving creatures.

And Belonging To A Community - is fluid and forever evolving expression of our outlook on life, which may vary with age, context, needs and more.
​
What fascinates me is the fact that what we look for in a community changes, what we value evolves, what we offer in exchange gets modified in the exchange.

That’s why although not interested in definitions, I’m fascinated by what belonging to a community means to YOU.

​Together we can rewrite the narrative around belonging!

What belonging to a community means to you?

Is it about the people who live around you?
Is it about the people who have a similar background to yours? Which background: the socio-economic or cultural or ethnic background?
Is it a segregated group?
Is it about feeling understood and supported?
Is it about finding your ex-pats?
Is it about sharing specific lived experiences?
Is it about sharing values or passions or beliefs with others?

In this training you will: 

> Be reminded that human beings are social creatures who have an intrinsic pull to be acknowledged, recognised and valued as part of a community
> Give you a perspective on what makes us feel like we belong to a specific community
> Identify what YOU are willing to contribute in terms of time, skills, resources in order to be accepted and recognised as part of a community
> Being getting clear on WHAT you are willing to give up in order to be included and valued or for HOW LONG.
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From Fitting In To Belonging: Claim your Uniqueness - Video

17/4/2022

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Moving to a new country can accentuate a longing for belonging and this can derail you from the path of authenticity onto the ever unsatisfactory path of attempting to fit in.

You haven't relocated abroad to lose yourself, have you? If anything the opposite, so why when you do your best to fit in with the values and norms of the new country, you risk losing not just your roots but also your compass and your true self?

Have you ever asked yourself: how can I…

  • Not hide pieces of me that make me different?
  • Squeeze into this new mould?
  • Be accepted in this new place?
  • Be included in the conversation?

Is it possible to…

  • Ask people to listen to me?
  • Initiate new relationships?
  • Be appreciated for my differences?

If you have ever felt the pressure of any of these questions when relocating to a new country or new city, be reassured you aren’t alone.

Our collective experience has taught us that in order to succeed we need to conform to the ‘should-dos’ and the ‘should-bes’ of that society.

What if, instead of focusing on what we need to do in order to ‘fit in’ at school/work/ country we turned the light back on ourselves and started seeding a sense of belonging right there and then, a sense of belonging to ourselves?

As part of my new online community Feel at Home Anywhere in The World I have done a Facebook Live Video and I have decided to share it with you on here too



Explore the shift from Fitting In to Belonging & claim your Uniqueness with confidence.

In this live training you will:
  • Understand how persistently the pressure to Fit In can play in our heads when relocating to a new city/country.
  • Understand what are healthy adjustments to make in favour of integration and what are detrimental adjustments to ourselves.
  • Explore the shift from Fit In To Belonging from a whole new perspective.
  • Root yourself into a clearer connection to yourself and your community so that you can step forward, and be welcomed, recognised and celebrated.
Let me know if you have any questions on this you'd like answered.
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Standing Alone - a skill we can learn 

Imagine if you could stop trying to be like everyone else and be comfortable with your differences, your accent and imperfections instead.Imagine belonging to that beautiful and rich mix of cultures that comes from having lived in different countries. 

Read more here. 

If you know anyone who might benefit from joining our new community for soulful women who have relocated to a new city or country - please feel free to invite them to Feel At Home Anywhere In The World  

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Root and Ritual by Becca Piastrelli a Review

1/2/2022

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​A wet November afternoon catching up on my emails I followed a link, then another, then another.
​
​Then a wave of vertigo rushed from my feet to my temples.

​The wall in front of me started moving, I felt dizzy. I quickly reached out with my right hand and grabbed the desk: solid wood under my fingertips. I was not falling.
​My breath slowed down as I returned to having my feet under the desk. I was not falling. I was not alone in my scheming.
 
I had simply found some of my thoughts laid out in front of me with such simplicity to almost shock me.


I relaxed on the back of the chair, pulled the screen closer and cuddled around the cosy thought of someone else having unfolded the vast theme of belonging in a similar groove as my free guide ‘How to Feel at Home Anywhere in the World'. Which I launched last September so a handful of months before Becca's book was released in the uK 

​Have you ever held a book and felt as if you were having an intimate conversation with someone who gets you? Or the feeling that your own thoughts have magically been printed? That is what I felt when at first I read Roots and Rituals by Becca Piastrelli.

I’ve had read various authors on the subject of belonging and yet, it is the first time I’ve found someone with whom I share both the premise (loneliness) AND three (out of four) pillar practices (community, self, land). Which is indeed  very exciting! 

We both work on Belonging as a way to deepen our relationship with our rooted self, and yet Piastrelli’s focus is more spiritual and interested self discovery.

I am fascinated on the other hand by the bringing together of cultural differences experienced by women who have relocated their home to a different environment/ city/ country and is faced by a new culture, a new climate and land.

​First of all, let me introduce you the author or Roots and Rituals. Becca Piastrelli is a natural healer, speaker and women’s group facilitator who explores the theme of belonging through our connection to the land, lineage, community and self. Her book Root & Rituals has been just released and can be found in numerous independent bookshops.

Becca weaves together personal stories, thought-provoking reflections and questions, and offers practical ways to go deeper through rituals, recipes, and crafts. The illustrations are also utterly charming and inspiring. ​

​Of all the different invitations offered by Piastrelli, I have decided to respond to two:
  • Exploring my ancestors
  • Developing  rituals skills, following a long life passion ​

​My young daughter has been asking us who is in her family, where do they live, where they come from and I have decided to welcome her desire to draw a family tree. Had lovely conversations with both my mother and my father about this and they all seem enthusiastic about compiling a genealogical tree.


Do you already have a genealogical tree of your family? 


My ancestors are from the land of Italy - my grandfather has migrated from the South to the North escaping the aftermath of an earthquake which in itself is an incredible story but then I realised that most of them lived in port cities like Pisa and Genova, which must have exposed them to all sorts of cultural exchanges. I also found out that most of the women in my mother line either taught in primary school or work in school offices. Is that a coincidence? Fascinating all the same, even if it was.

What about your family where did they live and what did they do for a living?

I really welcome Piastrelli's invitation to look into not only who our ancestors were, when and where they lived but also at the how did they live? what they ate, what they celebrated, what they escaped. 

Deepening our relationship with ourselves by exploring our lineage through food and folklore and history is a fabulous reminder of the importance of knowing where we are coming from not only figuratively but also genealogically speaking.

I'm sure it will unfold a further understanding of who I am, why I care about certain aspect of life more than others etc. 

Let me know if you'd like to have a shared space o explore this together?

Roots and Rituals is also weaved of beautiful and simple rituals that one can do either alone or with others. Rituals have punctuated my life in different forms and I have attended, created and most recently held the space for others to transform through a ritual.


This is the second invitation that I have decided to welcome from this book: develop my knowledge and understanding of rituals so that i will be able to create sacred space for others more confidently. ​

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"Ritual is an enacted poem, a sequence of actions designed to awaken powerful emotional and psychological forces."

I have therefore decided of enrolling on this online course on Rituals Skills with Starhawk

The first session was all about intention setting & creating a sacred space. I will share with you what I learn as I go along or maybe you'll just experience and benefit from it. 

Let me know if any of this has resonated with you? I'd love to know what touches your chords. 

Fra 

​
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KEEP AN OPEN HEART & CURIOUS MIND

24/1/2022

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"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” Maya Angelou 

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As you move through countries you might notice that your identity shifts and changes.

Maybe gently, maybe drastically and you might find yourself comparing your tastes, values and way of living to those of the country you’re in. While you do so, you might move through some, or all, of these common stages of culture adaptation: curiosity, surprise, shock, rejection and acceptance.

... And here arises the REAL challenge: not being overly critical of EITHER yourself OR your hosting country.

Respectively over the things you have yet to fulfil, or over the things that its lacks in.
Negative self-talk can slowly, slowly erode your sense of self-esteem. And if you are far away from those who have known you for decades - who will remind you of all your amazing qualities, funny stories and support you?
YOU! You are the only one you can consistently rely on.

Become your first supporter and cheerleader!

This is a deep work In my one-to-one work, I support women to develop
compassion for themselves and their qualities.

Some simple ways you can begin this work are:
  • Become Your Best Friend
  • If I Were Beginner, I Would...
  • Softening Self-Talk
  • Write & Flush or Write & Burn

BECOME YOUR BEST FRIEND

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Developing self-compassion can take some time. Talking to yourself as you were talking to your best friend is one of the simplest and most effective ways you can start with.

​Having a supportive and encouraging tone of voice when you talk to yourself can help restore feelings of safety and strengthen your resilience and ability to face the challenges in front of you.
Think about the words you are using, what makes a good friendship and then think about turning this onto yourself.

PAUSE & JOURNAL

Bring a close friend to mind.

Their name is:
  • The last time they came to you for support was about?
  • What tone of voice do you use with them?
  • What phrases did you use for them?

Compare this interaction to how you respond to yourself when you are feeling
vulnerable or upset.

What words from the list above could you use to soothe yourself? Write them down and try and use them next time you are scared or feel like you’ve failed in some way.

IF I WERE A BEGINNER, I WOULD...

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Marta had tons of patience with her colleagues but not herself...
​
“I find making mistakes very hard to accept and have worked on changing the way I phrase things in my head & trying to keep the learner attitude to most of my experiences.

For examples, last week, my boss sent back the report with loads of corrections on, in red pen, I felt awful inside and wanted to cry, but instead of saying, “I’m a total disaster at this”, I managed to say, “It’s the first time that I’ve ever written something like this. I’m learning how to do it”, and by simply doing this (and having three chocolate biscuits) I was able to go back to my report and make all the amendments required, send it back and feeling good about myself for having completed it rather than feeling like wanting to disappear from the world and switch my brain off in front of Netflix.' Marta

PAUSE: Is something stretching you beyond your comfort zone? If you were a beginner what would you tell yourself?


SOFTENING SELF-TALK

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Angelie was starting to get increasingly frustrated by the minor mistakes she would make in her day-to-day life. Until she shifted this by using humour. 

'When I made a mistake, I was used to beating myself up ‘here we go again, you useless thing’ even if it was small things like forgetting to attach a document to an email. Now I bring humour to my failings and I smile when I burn the toast once again because I really needed to finish that last email. The word might not have changed, but the tone of voice is much softer and accepting.' 

PAUSE: Could this work for you? What if you tweaked it a little?

WRITE & FLUSH/BURN

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You know those times when you judge yourself harshly because your behaviour doesn't fit the vision you have for yourself?

“When my baby was born I didn’t have that sudden surge of love for her that everyone talks about. I didn't feel anything for weeks. I felt like I had completely lost control of my life as if a new boss had moved into my home and was dictating my every single movement. Everyone around us seemed overjoyed by her arrival.

A very clever nurse saw through us and said: 'Try and write whatever you feel on a piece of paper, your feelings about you, your body, your baby, anything that goes on in your head. Tear the paper & flush it away'. She was so right.

​I started locking myself in the loo with a small notebook, wrote and flushed all my feelings down the toilet. And by simply accepting my feelings, I felt much better about myself and my baby. I’m sure the hormones kicked in as well and having a supportive partner made a big difference. But yes, I recommend it to anyone. Write and flush.” - Tara
​
PAUSE: Is there any uncomfortable feeling that you push down your throat?

Can you see yourself giving any of these practices a go?

​I'd love to hear what resonated with you.

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International Migrants Day 18 December

5/1/2022

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Photo from MSF website - link below. 
I raise a glass to all my fellow migrants

I raise a glass to your courage, your resilience and your tenderness.

Some of us had the privilege to follow a dream, an aspiration.

Some of us have escaped nightmares. Fled war and natural disasters.

I raise a glass to all your different motivations to relocate, to your stories and dreams

My mind meanders back to my motherland and my mother sea.
And To the endless tragedy of the Mediterranean Sea

So far, since the beginning of this year, at least 1,340 people have lost their life in the Mediterranean Sea.

Read it again: 1,340 people in the last year!!!

This is the worst figure since 2017, accordingly to François Thomas, President of SOS Mediterranné France.

Climate refugees are only going to increase. And in this country, in the UK, we have just lost the freedom of pacific protests.

on international migrants day I raise a glass to all of my fellow migrants

Read more information 
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